I will survive....

Some days are bright and shiny and some are dull and dark. Time flies away. But when you are feeling low, it seems to halt. When things go wrong we try to make them right. They may go according to you, if they meant to be. But if they meant to be a big hurdle, they got worsen.

And that period of your life is your examination. At that point whether you deal with it or you just ran off. That time is too hard to spend. All your mistakes, all your faults, all your decisions stood in front of you like a big question mark. Sometimes it feels like they are laughing at you.

You want to run away, far, too far, unreached, forgotten and alone. A place where no one disturbs you, no one tries to understand unsuccessfully, no one suggest you things you already know, no one gives you free advice and philosophy on life. Just you and your thoughts. You talk to yourself and answer yourself. You want a fresh start after a calm break.

But does it really happen? I don’t think so. There is never a fresh start, you can’t just beat your past behind. And off course there is no such place to run away. Every day I wake up with thought to run away. And start convincing myself to fight, to stay strong, and to bear idiots. And I was really got convinced till noon. And the inevitable evening again gives me reason to run away. And in night lying alone in bed with a roll of tear I say, “This will be over. It’s just to deviate me on right path. ALLAh is showing me my way to success.”
I will survive this, I believe whether you listen or not. Whether you understand or not. Whether you see or not. I believe in me, I will survive, may be scratched, wounded, and scarred. I will cry secretly, I will retort in mind. I will fall and stand again. I will fight. I will bury my dreams deep and put a rose on it. And when that rose get dry, I will dig my dreams out and live them.

Because after all pain and scars may be I deserve what I want. I believe that there will be a day when I live my dreams. Till then I will survive.
my site
http://stolenseconds.com

TUM....

my site
http://stolenseconds.com 

Aaj tumhe dekha kain arse baad, mann hua tumhe rok lu...
Kashmakash me ghiri hui thi... tabhi dekha tumhe laute hue...
Anjane hi me bhag kar sadak par karke tumhare samne aa kar khadi ho gayi...
Badal gaye the tum kuch itne saalo me... tumhara pehnawa... tumhari chaal-dhaal..

"kese ho?" mene haule si awaaz me shuruat ki.
"tum...?"  chaunk gaye the na.
me muskurai... tum bhi muskuraye.... "tum kesi ho?"

Or baato ka silsila chal padha... kitni, saalo se dhool chhayi baate thi... unki dhool ab hatne lagi thi...
Thoda kareeb se dekha to jaan padha... kuch nahi badla tha tum me... wahi baate.. wahi muskurahat.. wahi nazre..
Bas thodi paripakvta aagyi thi.. par wo bhi tumpe khoob janch rhi thi..
Me alag hi duniya me kho gayi thi.. tumhari baato me.. tumhari hansi me.. tumhari...... kho gayi thi tum me...
Kuch piche chhut gaya tha, samne aane laga tha.. ajeeb sa, daba sa, khoya sa.... sehma sa...
Wahi jo kabhi mujhe or tumhe baandhe hua tha... fir na jane kese toot gaya...
OHHH yaad aya.. kese toota tha wo... adhura rishta... wo pyaar...

Tabhi kuch toota.. mere ateet ki yaad..
Tumne mera hath pakad liya tha... kuch keh rahe the tum, na jane mere kaano tak awaaz kyu na pahunchi...
Tumhare chhuan ne sunn kar diya tha mujhe.. bas ek hi ehsaas tha, tumhare pas hone ka...
Tum hath pakad kar le jate gaye or me chalti gayi..  Kaash ese me tab chali hoti to...

"Dekho kon mila aaj?"

Meri nazar tumse hat us par padhi jise tum ye keh rahe the...
Ek sidhi sadhi si ladki thi samne.. kuch khaas sundar nahi.. par ajab si kashish thi usme...
Tum mera hath chod kar uske kareeb ja khade hue.. apni banh uske kandhe par dale hue..
Mere pero ke niche se to jese zamin sarak gayi ho.. fir bas ek gunji si awaaz ayi..

"Meri biwi..."

Sambhaal apne apko... bas yahi khud se kehti rhi thi me us waqt...
Kya ho raha tha mujhe.. kyu bura laga aaj tumhe khush dekh kar.. kisi or ke sath..
kisi or ke sath?
Kyu bura lag raha tha mujhe.. kyu tadap rahi thi me..
mene hi to sath choda tha tumhara bich rahh me.. ab kisi or ne thama to jal rahi hu me..
Ghut rahi hu.. mar rahi hu..
Us ladki ko me nafrat.. hairat.. bhari nigaho se dekhti rahi.. or wo sirf muskurati rahi..
Uski muskurahat mera khoon sukhaye ja rhi thi..
Tabhi usne kuch bataya... anoothe tarike se.. wo kuch boli nahi sirf ishara kar gayi.. or tum hans diye..
Tumne ek goongi ladki se shadi kar li.. tum pagal to nahi ho gaye the.. mujhse behtar nahi ho sakti ye ladki
Me ab marne lagi thi.. jalan se.. comparison se.. tumhari khushi se.. iss ladki ki khushkismati se..
Mera pyaar ab uska tha.. jo mene kho diya tha... man hi man khud ko kose ja rahi thi..
Par tum khush the uske sath.. uske khamosh pyaar ke sath..
Mujhse nahi ruka jayega ab... or me ghar ane ke liye uth khadi hui..
Darwaze pe aakar laga.. duniya chhutne ko thi.. tum ab door ho chale the.. iss ladki ne cheen liya tumhe mujhse..

Tabhi andar se ek awaaz aayi.. "tumne khud khoya he use....."
Wo ladki muskura rahi thi... wo dono hath thame khade the.. jese.. ek duje ke liye..

Or me palat gayi.. par akele nahi.. ek ansu chala aya tha sath dene...

P.S.-  :)

PHOENIX

PHOENIX

I am sitting in a dark

Looking at the peeping star

It wants to take me in

I want to count on it

Many obstacles are between us

Not very hard to cross

But I am waiting here for someone

Someone, who hold me tight

As he embrace me around

I just get collapse on ground

Nothing will be left

Only the thing is my ash

I know star, you want to make me happy

As no one ever can make me

But I am waiting here for one

Who can give birth to me from my ash

Just like the phoenix make

Sorry for the mistake I’ll make.

my site
http://stolenseconds.com

Khwaishein kesi kesi

my site
http://stolenseconds.com

Koi jab puchta he, humari khwaish kya he. Hum bahut soch kar ek lambi si list man me bana lete he. Or jo sabse jyada pane ki ichha hoti he, use bayan kar dete he. Sabki apni apni khwaishe hoti he, ajeebo-gareeb. Koi asmaan me udhna chahta he, koi celebrity banna. Kisi ko paisa chahiye, kisi ko sukoon. Koi pyar mangta he, koi mukaam. Or hum sab jante he, is duniya me kisi ko mukammal jahan nahi milta.

Mujhse agar koi puche meri khwaish kya he, me bina kuch soche samjhe keh deti hu, mujhe Ali Zafar se ek bar milna he or Walt Disney se bhi, milna nahi to kam se kam Disneyland dekhna he. Esi khwaish sun kar sab hasenge. Shayad mere pas wo sab he jo kisi ke bhi pas hona chahiye, tabhi meri esi ajeeb khwaish he. Mujhe proud he aaj me jahan hu, jesi hu, jin logo ke sath hu.

Par ek ladki he, uski bhi ek khwaish he. Bahut pyari, mast, bindas jaatni he. Yo Yo Honey singh ki deewani aur awesome English thumke lagati he. Sabki help karne ko tayyar rehti he. Aur jab gussa aye to typical jaatni. Hamesha hansti rehti he or hansati rehti he. Par bahut kam log jante he wo andar se kya feel karti he. Use disease he, jise wo blood allergy batati he. Pura din dawaiyan khati he. Bahut jaldi bimar padh jati he. Is bar ghar gayi to kafi din bad laut kar ayi. Bahut bujhe man batati rahi, “Didi, jante he is bar me ghar gayi to achanak behosh ho gayi. Check up hua to pata chala, meri body me koi nerve impinge he. Papa ne kaha he exams ke baad treatment start karwayenge.”

Hum sab bas uska chehra dekh rahe the. Uska hansta hua chehra us udasi me dhundh rahe the. Kya kahe use, kya samjhaye, hum nahu jante the. Tabhi usne achanak apni khwaish humare samne rakh di, “Me marna chahti hu, mujhe nahi jeena.”

Ye sun kar hum hi toot gaye the, to wo kitna toot chuki hogi, iska andaza bhi hum nahi laga sakte. Bimari ne uska sharer to todd hi diya tha, aaj man bhi todd diya. Hum use bas hasane ki koshish karte rahe or wo hume apni khwaish btati rahi. Hum iske siwa kuch kar bhi nahi paye.

Khwaishein kesi kesi

Dekhi humne ek esi bhi

Hum apne sapne chahte rahe

Or wo marne ko kehti rahi

P.S.- I don't know why I wrote this.....

Here it comes, and Here it goes……….

                                    I never knew you

                                    You never knew me

                                    Whose gonna ever knew

                                    What’s in the destiny?

I know the day

We talked for the first time

You won the basket ball match

And surrounded by crowd

                                    I reached to you

                                    And that was the first time

                                    Our eyes got met

                                    Our hands got touched

Here it comes, and here it goes

There is not a hint, what’s going on

                                    And then we met in canteen

                                    You are with your group

                                    I was my own there

                                    You said, “Hi“ to me

We smiled together

Have a new conversation

Little bit know each other

This is our last session

                                    One day I was sitting on stairs

                                    No one was there, just alone

                                    Listening to the music of my kind

                                    As, this is not the world, I belong

You came then, making your way

Just sat beside me

And the loneliness went away

As you listened to me

Here it comes, and here it goes

There is not a hint, what’s going on

                                    We messaged each other

                                    We spent nights on phone

                                    So funny things to say there

                                    Time fetched the wings and gone

When the phone beeps

I think it’s you

When the phone rang

I wish it’s you

            Here it comes, and here it goes

There is not a hint, what’s going on

                        You are all over my mind

                        I laugh with you, I cry with you

                        I know, when I turn, see you behind

                        Oh dear! You are making me crazy

            Here it comes, and here it goes

There is not hint, what’s going on

            I think I’m in love with you……

my site
http://stolenseconds.com

P.S.-  I wrote this for sweet 16 love..... how they feel.... :)

AKS....

kaash me esi na hoti
patte pe padhi boond na hoti
koi chhuye to uski na hoti
pal me hi bikhri na hoti

kaash me esi na hoti
teri tasveer me simti na hoti
badli thi, fir badli na hoti
ye yaad chubhti na hoti

kaash me esi na hoti
har khushi jhooti na hoti
teri baate sachhi na hoti
mere kal ka hissa na hoti

kaash me esi na hoti
tera pyara aks na hoti.....

my site
http://stolenseconds.com                    

P.S.-  Written on 15 March 2012

 

Omens...

my site
http://stolenseconds.com 

“The boy's name was Santiago. Dusk was falling as the boy arrived with his herd at an abandoned church. The roof had fallen in long ago, and an enormous sycamore had grown on the spot where the sacristy had once stood.”

Above lines are very foremost lines from THE ALCHEMIST by Paulo Coelho. Someone told me to read it, or may say insist. And as the fact she had a great influence on me, I decided to read it. Although I found it not so interesting, but as I said earlier that she had a great influence me, I read it. I completed 19 pages and halted, it attained to its boredom. 2-3 months later she asked me about book. I gave it to her. She knows me well, so clearly guessed that I hadn’t read that book. I told her about boredom and where I halted. She briefed the book such that my interest will not lose. After 20 days I read book again (after she completed it for the third time).

To my surprise, I found it awesome this time. Paulo wrote the things which were on my mind and I had no words to explain them till now. I too believe in Omens, but didn’t know what to call them. What happens to us, gives us a chance to know before it happens. I know I sound crazy, but what’s new in this. There is something I don’t know what to call it, may be Omen according to Paulo. That thing let us know what is right for us, just before the moment it happens, our reflex may say. Our instincts I may call. It’s not like shattering of glass, crossing over by black cat, someone sneezed. No, I don’t believe in that. What I believe in is Omen or instincts. It may be good or bad. It happens with me, or may be with you. Let me tell you.

A month ago, my grandpa (my mother’s uncle) died. We all met that night, all was good and happy; and the next morning he died suddenly without any disease. And after few days of that my brother was getting married. We were in tornado of happiness and grief. And it was decided that marriage would not be postponed. After 4 days to it, I and my father were going to the grandpa’s house in morning and suddenly a holy thing hanging on the rear mirror fell. Actually it was a prayer about to travel safely. This was the second death in our house within six months and totally unexpected. I took it as Bad Omen; I was worried after that that my daddy will drive safely to office after leaving me there. After that we went to market to buy some bride’s thing. We buy a necklace and we lost it on our way to home. My mom was worried. I was worried and sad too about that, but somewhere inside I was happy. What happened in the morning disturbed me, I was sure that some bad will happen anyhow. And I had heard that if a thing gets wrong it may take the worse’s chance out. And I was taking it like that. We can afford a lost necklace than a accidental day. After a worried and panicked day we had a call from my aunt who was with us whole day saying necklace is in her shoes box. We were happy now and I know now. That breaking things, sneezing and black cat will never harm you. It’s our instincts which decide. As the day when my daddy was out at night and when he was late, I was hell worried that something bad will happen. There was not felling of a holy thing that day. It was a normal day, but something inside me was telling me so. And when my daddy got home, he had a fractured hand. And I opened the door I uttered, “I know this will going to happen. Come on, enter.” There was no surprise on my face, but it was on the boy who brought my daddy home.

All I want to say is I have experienced omens just before the things happen. That instinct, that comes from your subconscious mind (I know you’ll prefer heart) at that moment, will decide your future not a black cat.

Just follow your instincts; it will never lead you to wrong way. And as the end of The Alchemist is there where it started, shows me (according to me).

Our destiny is just below our feet, but it takes whole life to understand what our destiny is. Everyone is walking on path doesn’t matter its right or wrong to achieve its destiny, but question is, does he knows what’s his destiny is?

“The boy reached the small, abandoned church just as night was falling. The sycamore was still there in the sacristy, and the stars could still be seen through the half-destroyed roof. He remembered the time he had been there with his sheep; it had been a peaceful night… except for the dream.

Now he was here not with his flock, but with a shovel.”

P.S.- It's a beautiful novel, you must read it........
I'm reading it again :)